By Aspen Psychology Group • Calgary Therapy & Counselling
Have you ever felt torn between two impulses — part of you wanting to speak up while
another part urges you to stay quiet? Or perhaps part of you craves connection,
while another part pushes people away out of fear? If so, you’ve already
experienced what psychologist Dr. Richard Schwartz identified decades ago: we
are not a single, unified self. We are many.
InternalFamily Systems (IFS) is a powerful, evidence-based therapeutic model developed by Dr. Schwartz in the 1980s that has since transformed the field of
psychotherapy. At Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary, our therapists draw on IFS to help clients develop a compassionate, healing relationship with all the different parts of themselves — especially those that have been wounded, shamed, or pushed aside.
The Foundational Principle: There Are No Bad Parts
The most radical and liberating idea at the heart of IFS is this: there are no badparts.
Every part of you, even the one that rages, self-sabotages, numbs out, or shuts down,
developed for a reason. Every part carries a positive intention, even when its
strategies are painful or destructive. Rather than treating difficult thoughts,
emotions, or behaviours as problems to be eliminated, IFS invites curiosity: What is this part trying to do for me? What is it protecting me from?
This shift —from pathologizing to understanding — is at the core of what makes IFS so
transformative.
Understanding Your Inner System: Parts, Protectors, and Exiles
IFS organizes the inner world into three primary categories of parts.
Exiles
Exiles arethe most vulnerable parts of us. They often carry painful memories, beliefs,
and emotions from the past — particularly from childhood — such as shame,
worthlessness, fear, or grief. Because these feelings are so overwhelming,
other parts of the system work hard to keep them hidden or locked away, so that
we can continue to function in daily life. Exiles aren’t bad; they are simply
hurt. They long to be seen, heard, and healed.
Protectors: Managers
Managers are proactive parts that work to keep exiles contained before they get triggered. They often show up as inner critics, perfectionists, people-pleasers,
overachievers, or control-seekers. Their goal is to prevent the pain of exile
feelings from ever surfacing. While managers can create enormous stress and
rigidity in a person’s life, they are fundamentally trying to keep that person
safe and functioning.
Protectors: Firefighters
Firefightersare reactive parts that spring into action after an exile has been triggered. When exile pain breaks through an unexpected wave of grief, shame,
or terror, firefighters move quickly to extinguish it, often through impulsive
or numbing behaviours: substance use, binge eating, dissociation, self-harm,
rage, or compulsive scrolling. Like managers, firefighters are not enemies.
They are emergency responders doing the only job they know how to do.
The SELF: Your Natural Healer
At the centre of every person’s inner system is the Self — and this is perhapsthe most important concept in IFS.
The Self is not a part. It is your core essence: calm, clear, compassionate, and inherently
wise. According to Dr. Schwartz, the Self is always present, even when it’s
obscured by activated parts. It cannot be damaged or destroyed. And critically,
it is the only true healer of the system — therapists do not heal clients; they
help clients access the Self so the Self can heal the parts.
Dr. Schwartz described the qualities of the Self through what he called the 8 Cs:
• Calm — a settled, steady inner presence
• Curiosity — a genuine interest in understandingall parts, without judgment
• Clarity — the ability to see situations andparts without distortion
• Compassion — warmth and care for wounded partsand for others
• Confidence — a grounded trust in one’s abilityto handle what arises
• Courage — the willingness to engage with painfulparts and experiences
• Creativity — flexible, open thinking in the faceof difficulty
• Connectedness — a sense of being linked toothers and to something larger than oneself
When you are in Self, truly led from this place, healing becomes possible.
How Parts Develop
Parts are not born fully formed. They develop in response to experience, particularly
adverse or overwhelming experiences in childhood. When a young child
experiences something too painful to integrate — loss, abuse, chronic neglect,
instability, or shame — parts step in to manage the unmanageable.
Over time, these parts become burdened: they take on beliefs (“I am worthless,” “The world is not safe”) and roles (“I must keep everyone happy to survive,” “I must numb
this pain”) that were adaptive once, but now constrain the adult. In IFS, we
say that parts carry burdens, and the work of therapy is to help parts lay those burdens down, so they can return to their natural, unburdened state.
No one chooses their parts. They form because the psyche is brilliantly adaptive. IFS
honours that brilliance, even while gently working to free parts from the past.
say that parts carry burdens, and the work of therapy is to help partslay those burdens down, so they can return to their natural, unburdened state.
What Does an IFS Session Look Like?
IFS sessions at Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary are collaborative, gentle, and guided by your own inner wisdom. While every session is unique to the individual, a
typical IFS session might unfold something like this:
Your therapist might begin by asking you to turn your attention inward — to notice
what’s present, perhaps a tension in your chest, a critical voice in your head,
or an anxious flutter in your stomach. Rather than trying to analyze or
suppress this experience, you’ll be invited to get curious about it.
“What do you notice about this part?” your therapist might ask. “How do you feel toward it right now?”
If you feel frustration, fear, or judgment toward the part, that’s information: other parts
are present. Your therapist will help you gently ask those reactive parts to
step back, so that Self can come forward.
Once you’re in Self — calm, curious, and open — you might begin a dialogue with the part. You may ask it what it’s afraid of, what it’s trying to protect you from, and
what it needs. Often, parts respond with surprise and relief at finally being
acknowledged rather than fought. You may access an exile and witness the pain
it carries from the past. With Self present, you can offer the exile the
compassion it has always needed, and help it update its experience, so it no
longer has to live in a painful moment long past.
This process is not about re-traumatizing. It is about finally, safely, completing
what was once left unfinished.
Is IFS Right for You?
IFS has been shown to be effective for trauma, depression, anxiety, relationship
difficulties, eating disorders, and a range of other challenges. Its
non-pathologizing, compassionate framework makes it particularly meaningful for
those who have felt judged or misunderstood in other therapeutic contexts.
If you’re in Calgary and curious about whether IFS might be a fit for you, Aspen Psychology Group offers a supportive, skilled team of therapists trained in IFS and other evidence-based approaches. We believe that healing is not about
fixing what’s broken — it’s about reconnecting with the wholeness that was
always there.
Meet with one of our IFS informed therapists:
- Lisa Thompson
- Melissa Sawers
- Alanna Kelly
Disclaimer: The content contained in this post is for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, consultation, diagnosis, or treatment. Please seek the advice of your qualified mental healthcare provider in your area with any personal questions you may have.
Also, PsychologyToday.com is a great resource for finding a mental health professional in your area.