At Aspen Psychology Group, our Calgary Psychologists and Calgary Counsellors often meet with clients—especially women and mothers—who describe feeling constantly “on.” They carry an invisible checklist in their minds: remembering appointments, planning meals, organizing school activities, and making sure everyone else’s needs are met before their own.
And with Alberta teachers going on strike, this load is about to get even heavier for many parents. Families are once again facing the challenge of juggling childcare, managing disrupted routines, and keeping children engaged and supported at home—all while balancing work, household responsibilities, and their own well-being.
This unseen strain, known as the mental load, is a form of cognitive and emotional labor that often goes unrecognized but deeply impacts relationships and mental well-being. Understanding and redistributing this load can help families build greater fairness, connection, and peace.
What Is the Mental Load?
Sociologist Allison Daminger, from the University of Washington, has researched how women and mothers experience the mental load. Her studies reveal that women are more likely to engage in anticipatory mental labor—constantly thinking ahead, planning, and tracking the details that keep daily life functioning.
This may include coordinating schedules, anticipating children’s needs, or managing household supplies. Importantly, Daminger found that this labor often extends beyond the immediate family: women also tend to maintain social connections, offer emotional support to friends, and care for extended family members.
Because this work is largely invisible, it’s rarely acknowledged. Yet it drains mental energy, contributes to burnout, and reinforces power imbalances within relationships.
Why It Feels Invisible
The mental load is not simply about doing tasks—it’s about thinking about them. Unlike physical chores, it’s difficult to measure or see.
For example, cooking dinner is visible work. But deciding what to cook, making the grocery list, and remembering to use up ingredients before they expire are all mental tasks that often fall on one partner. Over time, this invisible management can lead to resentment and emotional fatigue.
Eve Rodsky’s “Fair Play”: Redefining Household Balance
In her bestselling book Fair Play, author Eve Rodsky offers a framework to make household responsibilities visible and shareable. Her “card system” assigns specific family and household tasks—like grocery shopping, meal planning, or managing medical appointments—to individual “cards.”
Each partner takes full ownership of the cards they hold, meaning they’re responsible for both the mental and physical aspects of that task—from planning to execution. This system transforms household management into a fairer and more intentional partnership, helping couples communicate more openly about the invisible work behind daily life.
Steps Toward Sharing the Mental Load
Balancing the mental load isn’t about perfection—it’s about awareness, communication, and teamwork. Here are a few ways families can begin creating more fairness at home:
1. Start the Conversation
Bring the mental load into the open. Talk about how household tasks are divided and how each person feels about their role. The goal isn’t to assign blame, but to understand one another’s experience.
2. List All the Work—Visible and Invisible
Together, make a list of not only physical chores but also mental and emotional responsibilities. Seeing everything written down helps both partners recognize what’s being carried silently.
3. Divide Responsibilities with Ownership
Following Rodsky’s Fair Play approach, assign tasks so that one person fully “owns” each responsibility—from thinking to doing. This prevents the cycle of one partner delegating or managing even when the other is technically “helping.”
4. Include Emotional Labor
Checking in on loved ones, soothing a child, or remembering relatives’ birthdays all count as emotional labor. Discuss how this work can be acknowledged and shared.
5. Create Systems, Not Favors
Instead of one partner “helping out,” establish systems and routines that both can depend on—like alternating meal planning or setting shared reminders for bills and appointments.
6. Have Regular Check-Ins
Revisit your system regularly. Life changes, and so should the way responsibilities are divided. Regular check-ins prevent small frustrations from growing into resentment.
Supporting Mental Health and Family Balance
The weight of the mental load can contribute to exhaustion, anxiety, and a sense of being unseen. Many women find that this ongoing pressure affects not only their energy but also their self-worth and relationship satisfaction.
Therapy—such as Women’s Counselling in Calgary—can be an important space to unpack these emotions, explore boundaries, and learn practical tools for communication and self-care.
At Aspen Psychology Group, our team of Calgary Psychologists and Calgary Counsellors offers compassionate support for individuals and couples navigating the stress of family and relationship roles. Through our Calgary Psychological Services, we help clients identify patterns that contribute to imbalance and work toward healthier, more sustainable dynamics at home.
A New Definition of Partnership
Balancing the mental load isn’t about keeping score—it’s about partnership, empathy, and respect. When both partners take responsibility for the emotional and logistical sides of family life, everyone benefits.
As Eve Rodsky writes, “When we show up for our homes with the same commitment and fairness we bring to our workplaces, we transform not just our households—but our relationships.”
By recognizing and sharing the invisible labor that keeps families functioning, couples can create homes rooted in fairness, connection, and shared care.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the mental load or seeking more balance at home, our Calgary Psychologists and Calgary Counsellors are here to help.
Through Calgary Psychological Services and Women’s Counselling in Calgary, we can help you and your family find greater understanding, clarity, and peace.
Connect with one of our Calgary therapists by clicking here to book a session or a free 15-minute consultation
Disclaimer: The content contained in this post is for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, consultation, diagnosis, or treatment. Please seek the advice of your qualified mental healthcare provider in your area with any personal questions you may have.
Aspen Psychology Group is accepting clients at this time, you can book an appointment here. Also, PsychologyToday.com is a great resource for finding a mental health professional in your area.