If you’re parenting a child who struggles with anxiety or OCD, you’re not alone. Anxiety is one of the most common challenges facing children and adolescents today, and for many families it can quietly shape daily life: bedtime routines that stretch on for hours, constant reassurance-seeking, avoidance of school or activities, or rituals that feel confusing and exhausting to manage.
At Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary, we work closely with families navigating anxiety and OCD. Much of our approach is informed by the work of Lynn Lyons and Reid Wilson, who offer a compassionate, practical, and empowering framework for helping children become more confident in the face of anxiety.
This post is written for parents who want to understand anxiety more clearly, respond more effectively at home, and support their child in building long-term resilience.
Anxiety Is a Process, Not a Problem to Eliminate
One of Lynn Lyons’ most important contributions is reframing anxiety as a process, not a dangerous condition or a set of scary thoughts that must be debated or eliminated.
Anxiety is not about what your child is worried about. It’s about how their brain responds to uncertainty and perceived threat.
When parents focus on the content of anxiety—“What if I fail?” “What if something bad happens?”—it’s easy to get pulled into endless reassurance or problem-solving. While reassuring feels kind and loving, it often strengthens anxiety over time by teaching the brain that the worry was something to fear.
Instead, Lyons and Wilson encourage parents to focus on the anxiety cycle:
- Anxiety predicts danger
- The child avoids, parents reassure, or rituals are created
- Anxiety temporarily drops
- The brain learns avoidance “worked”
- Anxiety comes back stronger next time
The goal isn’t to make anxiety go away,cit’s to help children learn they can feel anxious and still cope.
Externalizing Anxiety: “Bossy Brain” and “Worry Voice”
A powerful strategy for children (and parents) is externalizing anxiety—treating it as something the brain does, not who the child is.
Instead of:
- “You are anxious”
- “This means something is wrong”
We help children see anxiety as:
- “Your brain is sending a false alarm”
- “This is your worry voice trying to run the show”
Many families give anxiety a name—Bossy Brain, Worry Monster, Alarm System. This creates psychological distance and allows the child to relate to anxiety differently.
For parents, externalizing anxiety helps shift the response from urgency to coaching:
- “Oh, I hear Bossy Brain talking.”
- “What do we do when anxiety shows up?”
- “Looks like your brain wants certainty—but we’re practicing handling uncertainty.”
This approach aligns beautifully with Reid Wilson’s emphasis on changing the relationship to anxiety, not trying to control it.
How to Talk About Anxiety at Home
Parents often ask, “What should I say when my child is anxious?”
Lyons’ work emphasizes that how we talk about anxiety shapes how children experience it.
Helpful Parent Language
- “You can handle feeling uncomfortable.”
- “We’re not trying to get rid of anxiety—we’re practicing living with it.”
- “Anxiety always wants guarantees. We don’t give guarantees.”
- “You’ve felt this before, and you got through it.”
What to Reduce Over Time
- Excessive reassurance (“It will be okay, I promise.”)
- Repeated explanations or logic
- Helping avoid situations anxiety doesn’t like
- Participating in rituals (especially with OCD)
This doesn’t mean being cold or dismissive. It means being calm, confident, and consistent, sending the message: “I believe in your ability to cope.”
At Aspen Psychology, we help parents practice this language so it feels natural, not scripted.
Anxiety vs. OCD: What’s the Difference?
While anxiety and OCD are related, they are not the same, and understanding the difference matters for treatment.
Anxiety
- Driven by fear of discomfort or uncertainty
- Involves avoidance or reassurance
- Relief comes from escaping the feeling
- Example: avoiding school due to worry
OCD
- Driven by obsessions (intrusive, unwanted thoughts)
- Compulsions are used to neutralize anxiety or prevent feared outcomes
- Relief comes from completing rituals
- Example: repeated checking, mental reviewing, or reassurance-seeking
Lynn Lyons often explains that OCD is anxiety with rules. OCD demands certainty and insists on rituals as the price of safety.
The key difference in treatment:
- Anxiety treatment focuses on reducing avoidance and increasing tolerance for uncertainty
- OCD treatment focuses on resisting compulsions and allowing anxiety to rise and fall naturally.
Parents play a crucial role in both—especially by not accommodating anxiety or OCD, even when it feels hard.
Helping Children Build Courage, Not Comfort
Reid Wilson’s work emphasizes something many parents find freeing:
Confidence comes after doing hard things, not before.
Children don’t need to feel calm before trying. They need practice feeling anxious and discovering they can still move forward.
This means:
- Allowing anxiety to show up
- Encouraging small, planned challenges
- Letting children experience uncertainty
- Celebrating effort, not outcomes
Instead of asking, “Are you calm now?”
We ask, “Did you let anxiety come along while you did the thing?”
Over time, the nervous system learns that anxiety is uncomfortable—but not dangerous.
Supporting Yourself as a Parent
Supporting a child with anxiety or OCD is emotionally demanding. Parents often feel:
- Helpless
- Guilty
- Afraid of making things worse
Lynn Lyons reminds parents that your calm nervous system is one of the most powerful tools your child has. You don’t need to do this perfectly. You just need to be steady, curious, and willing to practice alongside your child.
At Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary, we work not only with children and teens, but also with parents—because sustainable change happens in the context of relationships.
When Professional Support Helps
If anxiety or OCD is interfering with your child’s school, friendships, sleep, or family life, professional support can make a meaningful difference.
Our therapists draw from evidence-based approaches inspired by Lynn Lyons and Reid Wilson, including:
- Parent coaching for anxiety and OCD
- Child and teen therapy
- Exposure-based approaches
- Family systems and nervous system-informed care
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Anxiety and OCD thrive on secrecy and accommodation. They shrink when met with understanding, courage, and consistent support.
If you’re looking for guidance, Aspen Psychology Group is here to help your family move from managing anxiety to building confidence and resilience—together.
Resources
Reid Wilson’s website where there are numerous free resources to support addressing both anxiety and OCD
Fluster Clux -Lynn Lyons’ podcast “aimed towards anxiety in kids, GREAT for adults”.
Note their playlist for new listenters here
And this discussion with Reid Wilson specific to OCD