– from Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary
For many people, the holiday season in Calgary is a time of lights, gatherings, and celebration. But if you’re grieving, feeling alone, or navigating tense family relationships, December can feel like the exact opposite of “the most wonderful time of the year.”
At Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary, we meet with many clients who quietly dread the holidays. You’re not alone if you feel that way. This season can stir up old wounds, highlight current losses, and create pressure to feel joyful when you simply don’t.
This blog offers practical, compassionate strategies to help you move through the holidays in a way that honours what you’re going through while still making room for moments of comfort, connection, and even joy.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Hard
1. Grief and Loss Feel Bigger in December
If you’ve lost a loved one—recently or years ago—the holidays can amplify that empty chair at the table. Traditions you once shared may now feel painful. You might be torn between wanting to honour your loved one and wanting to skip the season entirely.
Grief often resurfaces or intensifies around anniversaries, holidays, and family gatherings. You may notice:
- Sudden waves of sadness or tears
- Irritability or numbness
- Guilt about feeling “OK” sometimes
- Difficulty participating in “festive” activities
All of this is a normal part of grieving, even if others around you don’t fully understand.
2. Feeling Alone in a Season of Togetherness
Not everyone has close family nearby in Calgary, or relationships they feel safe in. You might be:
- New to the city or country
- Estranged from family
- Newly separated, divorced, or single
- A student or worker far from home
When every ad and social media post shows happy families and couples, loneliness can feel even more intense and isolating.
3. Contentious or Complicated Relationships
Some families come together and immediately fall back into old patterns: conflict, criticism, passive-aggressive comments, or alcohol-fueled arguments. Others struggle with:
- Unresolved trauma or abuse
- Cultural or religious clashes
- Political or value-based disputes
- Family members who don’t respect boundaries
If this is your reality, the holidays can feel like something to survive rather than enjoy.
Making the Holidays More Manageable (and Maybe Even Meaningful)
You don’t have to “fix” everything to have a better season. Small, intentional choices can help you navigate the holidays with more support and less overwhelm.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
You do not have to be cheerful just because it’s December.
- Name your emotions: “I feel sad, lonely, angry, tired, relieved…”
- Remind yourself: “My feelings make sense, given what I’ve been through.”
- Reduce self-judgment: Feeling upset during the holidays does not mean you are ungrateful or broken.
Sometimes treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a close friend is a powerful first step.
2. Create New Traditions (or Pause Old Ones)
If old traditions are too painful or stressful this year, it’s okay to change them.
If you’re grieving:
- Light a candle each night in memory of the person you lost.
- Cook one of their favourite dishes and share a story about them.
- Visit a place that was special to both of you and spend a quiet moment there.
- Create a small ritual—writing them a letter, hanging an ornament in their honour, or donating to a cause they cared about.
If you’re alone or far from family:
- Host or attend a “friends-mas” or potluck with other people spending the holidays on their own.
- Plan a “holiday for one” that includes activities you genuinely enjoy: a hike in Fish Creek Park, a spa day, reading at a café, or a movie marathon.
- Join a community event, workshop, or volunteer shift to feel some connection without pressure.
You can keep, modify, or skip traditions. You’re allowed to choose what fits this season of your life.
3. Set Boundaries to Protect Your Emotional Well-Being
Boundaries are not selfish; they are essential, especially around holidays.
Examples of helpful boundaries:
- Time limits: “I can come for dinner but will leave by 8 p.m.”
- Topics: “I’m not comfortable discussing my relationship/children/weight this year.”
- Substance use: “If people are heavily drinking, I’ll leave early.”
- Attendance: “I won’t be at the family gathering this year. Let’s plan to connect another time.”
You might feel guilt for saying no at first, especially if others are disappointed. But protecting your mental health is a valid and important priority.
If you struggle with setting or holding boundaries, speaking with a psychologist at Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary can help you practice and feel more confident.
4. Plan Ahead for High-Stress Situations
Think about which events or days are likely to be hardest: Christmas Eve, New Year’s, a family dinner, or the day of an anniversary or loss.
Create a simple Holiday Coping Plan:
- Who can I call or text if I feel overwhelmed?
- Where is a quiet space I can step away to (even if it’s a bathroom or outside walk)?
- What can I say to excuse myself? (“I need some air, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”)
- What helps me regulate: deep breathing, grounding exercises, music, journaling, or a short drive?
Having a plan doesn’t remove the pain, but it can reduce the fear of feeling trapped or out of control.
5. Stay Connected—Even in Small Ways
If you’re feeling isolated in Calgary this holiday season, consider gentle, realistic ways to connect:
- Send a text to one safe person and be honest: “This time of year is hard for me. Can we talk sometime this week?”
- Join an online support group for grief, divorce, or mental health.
- Volunteer with a local charity or community meal—helping others can reduce feelings of disconnection.
- Attend a drop-in group, workshop, or class (fitness, art, meditation) where you’re around others without needing to perform socially.
Connection doesn’t have to mean big parties or constant socializing; even brief, authentic contact matters.
6. Anchor Yourself in Daily Grounding Practices
Amid holiday chaos or heaviness, simple daily practices can steady you:
- Move your body: gentle stretching, walks in the snow, yoga, or a workout.
- Get outside: Calgary winters are cold, but even 5–10 minutes of daylight can help your mood.
Limit comparison: unfollow or mute social media accounts that trigger “everyone else is happier than me” feelings.
Practice grounding:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
These small tools can lessen anxiety, sadness, and emotional overwhelm.
7. Consider Professional Support
There is no “right” way to move through grief, loneliness, or family conflict, but you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Speaking with a registered psychologist can help you:
- Process grief and loss in a safe, non-judgmental space
- Navigate family conflict and build stronger boundaries
- Cope with loneliness and difficult emotions
- Develop personalized holiday coping strategies
At Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary, our therapists offer compassionate, evidence-based support for individuals, couples, and families. If this season feels particularly heavy, reaching out for professional help can be an important act of self-care.
A Different Kind of Holiday: One That Honours You
You may not be able to make this holiday season “perfect,” but you can make it more honest, intentional, and gentle with yourself.
This year, consider redefining what “happy holidays” means:
- Not “happy all the time,” but “moments of genuine comfort and connection.”
- Not “pretending everything is fine,” but “allowing yourself to be real.”
- Not “doing what’s expected,” but “choosing what you can truly handle.”
If you’re in Calgary and would like support getting through the holidays—and beyond—Aspen Psychology Group is here to help.
If you’d like to explore therapy, coping strategies, or support tailored to your situation this holiday season, you can contact Aspen Psychology Group in Calgary to book an appointment or learn more about our services.
Disclaimer: The content contained in this post is for informational/educational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, consultation, diagnosis, or treatment. Please seek the advice of your qualified mental healthcare provider in your area with any personal questions you may have.
Also, PsychologyToday.com is a great resource for finding a mental health professional in your area.